OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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