3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize