Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize