I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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