im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
