whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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