I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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