So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
