nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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