at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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