....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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