my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize