i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
