What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
