He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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