i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
