this boner is exhausting
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
