They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
tell me about the fingering
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