we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
