I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
