it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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