just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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