Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You can't motorboat a personality
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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