I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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