she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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