I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
