A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize