Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
