i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
