I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
