I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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