i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
