My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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