is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
