Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.