Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?