carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..