the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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