a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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