I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
