1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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