i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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