My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
