I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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