What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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