I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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