It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
