The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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