He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
