Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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