I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
