You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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