Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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