She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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