I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
