This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
