I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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