i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
