you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
