I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
